Hard Truths by Alex Whitehall

Author:Alex Whitehall [Whitehall, Alex]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Riptide Publishing
Published: 2018-06-06T16:00:00+00:00

That night, as I lay alone in my bed, my thoughts wouldn’t shut up. Mostly a stream of He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone, but also echoes of everything he’d said reverberating through my skull and shivering down my bones. It all felt unfair. I shouldn’t have to come out to my parents if I wasn’t ready. But then he shouldn’t have to move in with someone who couldn’t be completely honest about their relationship.

I wanted him here. I wanted to not think about telling my parents and what that would mean. I wanted him beside me, his warm body a source of strength and comfort instead of the soft, cold pillow I was wrapped around in his stead. To get him back—even if he hadn’t technically left—I just had to do one simple, huge thing.

He wasn’t asking too much, I supposed. It wasn’t like this was some teenage drama and I’d be kicked out of my house and have to live destitute on the streets. The only thing I’d risk losing was my family. And not all of my family. But most of it. My parents.

The thought hardened the knot in my stomach.

I’d lose my parents, but I’d keep Sue. I’d prove to Logan that I loved him. That I wasn’t ashamed. Not that I thought he thought I was ashamed.

Maybe I thought I was ashamed. Maybe I was ashamed. Not of him. He was amazing. But of myself. Knowing how my parents would react made a wave of shame wash through me: I wasn’t being a good son, I was a disappointment, I was ruining the family.

Yet if I let that shame and guilt win, I would never be happy, because I’d never fully have Logan.

Fuck.

Maybe I wasn’t giving my parents enough credit. Maybe they’d be understanding—after a while. I mean, they hadn’t loved the idea of Logan when he’d been supposedly dating Sue, but they’d been courteous to him. And I could explain that he was educated and doing well for himself—not that those things made him a better man, but my parents would think so. I’d trade the thug-life image he’d presented with being gay. It all balanced out, right?

Fuck. I didn’t know anymore. The thought of telling them had become this monster in my mind—I no longer knew what was real and what was fear.

However, there was someone who could tell me. I texted Sue.

How do you think Mom and Dad would react if I came out?

It was late, but my phone rang a second later.

“You’re going to tell them?” Sue said as soon as I’d answered.

“I— Logan— I— Fuck,” I finished eloquently. I struggled to inhale. “Logan’s hurt that I’m hiding him from them and wants me to tell them. And I’m not sure if they’ll actually react badly or I just think they will and he has a point, or if . . . I dunno.” I sighed. “Tell me.”

Her exhalation was a staticky murmur across the line. “I can’t tell you whether you should tell them or not.

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